The 4 R's of How We Get Stuck

 

Change is inevitable yet we tend to resist change for many reasons. This is why so many of us start something, then backtrack to our old habits.

Risk, Return, Resistance, Routine

The 4 R's represent the pattern we often fall into when making change in our lives. 

Have you tried losing weight, only to gain it back? If so, you're not alone. 

When faced with change, we will evaluate the risk. 

Risk includes what we have to lose and what we need to lose! 

All decisions have an element of risk. If we do not change something, it may present a risk. And if we do make the change, we have perceived risk.

Using the weight loss example, if we are carrying too much weight, we risk health problems.

If we use a diet (a tool for losing weight), we risk not following through because we may have to give up too much, or we don't like the tool (we may not like being told what to do, for example, and the loss of autonomy).

Return is what we expect to gain from the change. 

If the return is not significant or meaningful enough to us, we will be less committed to sticking with the decision long enough to see positive outcomes we want to see.

If we expect the change to be the cure-all for our lives, we may be disappointed. 

The idea that this change will make us happy or fulfill us may be unrealistic, and often is!

Again, using the weight loss example, if we think that being slimmer will mean we will be more successful or more confident, we will likely be disappointed when we get to our goal and we are still unhappy.

Resistance happens when we anticipate that the risks are not worth it and the return is not great enough. 

Making changes is scary! The uncertainty of something unfamiliar can stall us from actually taking the actions we need to take to achieve our goal. 

The key is to identify our own level of resistance and create strong reasons to move forward, and even stronger reasons why the pain of staying stuck is worse than the uncertainty and fear. 

Routine is what we know. It's our comfort zone. 

When we resist change, we revert to routine. 

We crawl back into our shell where it feels safe.

So, how do we move forward?

We often backtrack because we think that if we just use the right tools (diets, for example), we will be able to change. What we miss is that the issue is unlikely to be a technical one! Technical issues refer to tools and learning skills. We think we just need to find the right diet to lose the weight. 

In reality, the challenge may require an adaptive approach. 

Adaptive approaches go inside - we explore why we have difficulty in making the commitment to change. 

We have unique reasons why we resist change or seek routine. 

Understanding our unique reasons is the key to overcoming our resistance.

If you're ready to explore and break free of your unique 4 R's, let's talk!